Moss Green
by Zane's Girl- Jo
Summary: Jason reflects on the birth of his oldest daughter. TMI setting.
1. Moss Green

**Moss Green**

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Summary: Jason reflects on the birth of his oldest daughter. TMI setting. **

She was unexpected, that's for sure.

Our little surprise, our little Laney.

When Ela had told me that she was pregnant, I'll admit, I didn't have the best reaction. My mind was shooting off a thousand questions in rapid succession, that I couldn't have answered the way Ela wanted me to if I'd tried.

How would we feed her? Clothe her? Would we be able to take care of a baby? Did we have the room? The money? The time? Did we even _want_ a baby?

Ela, of course, took it the wrong way, and I don't blame her. Finding out your pregnant, and then telling your husband; expecting to get a certain reaction from him and _not_- I would have reacted the same way, were I her. After, when we'd discussed our options (abortion was _not_ one of them), we...decided to have the baby. What harm could it do?

A lot, apparently. In the form of my wife's body.

For nine months, it was morning sickness, cravings, swelling ankles, back pain, mood swings, weight gain...and then Braxton Hicks contractions. Thrown in, were several threats of castration if I ever came near her again, for good measure.

It didn't seem worth it. This....hell....for one little human being. But...every doctor's appointment, every checkup, every lamaaze class, every time we passed the section of the store with the baby clothes....it seemed worth it.

Seeing our child on the ultra sound, feeling her kicking underneath our hands, watching her belly grow...made it worth it.

And then she went into labor on May 29th. Great.

At first, it was just....contractions...regular contractions. And then they got closer and stronger.....and in between her breathing exercises and checking on her dialation...were more threats. Not just of castration.....divorce, annullment, murder. My wife does _not_ work well under stress. Especially when it's her job to bring another life into the world.

And then her water broke.....and she started pushing.

There is _nothing_ worse than seeing the one you love in absolute, complete pain. Especially when _you_ are the one responsible for putting her through it.

Believe me, I recieved plenty of threats and insults during Ela's labor. Her absolute favorite was, without a doubt, "If you ever- and I mean _EVER_- touch me like that again, I'll castrate you so badly your ancestors will feel it!"

I had no idea thoughts like that were even running through her mind. I guess it takes childbirth to bring them out.

Well, she let me touch her like that again- twice resulting in pregnancy and childbirth. They say it doesn't get any easier however many children you have, and, hey, I believe it. My wife and our four gorgeous children are living proof.

She's gorgeous. And she was gorgeous the night she gave birth to our daughter- if not more so. I've never seen a more beautiful woman in my entire life, than the woman who was bringing my child into the world. She was in absolute pain, yes, but...

I keep...remembering the night our Laney was born. Almost every push Ela gave was accompanied by a scream, and every scream meant our child was entering the world a little more. I said something to make her mad- not even realizing that it was pissing her off- and she snapped back,

_"Let's see, you try pushing a living, breathing human being the size of a small watermelon out of an opening that is originally the size of a grape, and doesn't get any bigger than the size of a plum and see how you like it!"_

A scream and our baby's shoulders accompanied that statement. But...

I don't regret being there when our daughter finally entered the world. Most fathers would probably...leave the room or faint...I know they'd all cringe and agree that childbirth is the most disgusting thing to ever take place on the planet, but...I'd have to disagree. It's...an absolute wonder. A real...miracle. Seeing this....tiny human being you and your wife created coming into the world. It's...the most beautiful thing on earth, watching your wife give that final push, seeing your child- _your_ child- come sliding into this world- or even catching them, like I did with our youngest. Hearing your baby take their first breath.

It's beautiful.

And Laney....god she was gorgeous. Granted, she was still slick with afterbirth and amnionic fluid, but she was absolutely gorgeous. Thick, black hair, a...diamond birthmark on her shoulder, and....moss green eyes. Those _gorgeous_ moss green eyes.

I couldn't help but wonder at the time if Ela's skin had transferred to our daughter's eyes. We'll never know.

Seeing Ela cradle her in her arms, seeing her wiggle and move, seeing her eyes, watching her....seeing my wife guide her tiny mouth to her breast....I'd never felt more proud of something in my entire life. Until that moment, as my wife held our daughter- _our daughter_- in her arms, against her breast, everything else paled in comparison. It was also when I realized that...I was responsible for protecting this tiny little life.

And I have. Even fifteen- no, sixteen- years later.

She's grown up in sixteen years. Gotten to be more like her mother.

And I couldn't be prouder.

There she is, coming into the room, her mother at her side. Even though she's a teenager, she still calls Ela and I, "Mama and Daddy." It's the best gift she could give us.

She's my little girl.

But, my god, she looks so much like her mother that it's scary. She's Ela at.....

"Daddy!" I snap out of my reflection to wrap her in my arms and kiss her cheek.

"Happy birthday, sweet pea."

She's my baby girl.

And she's turning sweet sixteen today.


	2. Raven Haired

**Raven-Haired**

**Rifiuto: Non Miriena**

**Summary: Ela reflects on her oldest child. TMI Setting. Companion to _Moss Green_.**

I knew what I wanted to do with my life.

I had it all planned out.

I _knew_ what I wanted, even when others didn't.

Becoming a mother at twenty-six was _not_ something I wanted.

But... it happened, and... at first I was reluctant to accept the fact that I was carrying my husband's child, but... soon I accepted it. Especially when Jason and I felt her move on New Year's Eve. And I mean, feel her move through my clothing. Up until then, I'd felt small movements every so often, but they were small enough for me to dismiss. That New Year's Eve... I officially accepted the fact that I had the baby my husband and I had created growing in me.

The whole experience was... surreal.

I freaked when I first found out I was pregnant. And I mean _freaked_.

I told myself this couldn't be happening. That those two little blue lines on the test_ had_ to be a mistake. I had a blossoming career, a brand new marriage, a new life- a baby was _not_ in the contract.

Jason didn't have the best reaction either. He didn't speak for several minutes, and I took it wrong. But... afterwards, we talked it out, and decided to have our baby. And I'm so glad we did.

BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE.

Not my child- my baby girl could _never_ be a mistake- agreeing to go through with it, and then going _through_ it- was the mistake.

I suffered nine agonizing months of mood swings, cravings, weight gain, not to mention morning sickness and back pain. I hated it. Absolutely hated it.

To put it simply- I went from a size zero, to close to a size fourteen in the course of forty weeks. To most, it's not that big, but to _me_, it's big. Or, in Dee's terms, I was the size of a small house. I could have killed my husband. He was the one that put me through this.

And come to think of it, I could have killed Dee too. She couldn't keep her mouth shut. I know, she was concerned, and watching out for me, and I'm thankful for that, but really, she didn't have to remind me every twenty minutes that I was going to look like a walking, helium ballon. But I am so glad Dee was there. Especially when she was born.

The day I gave birth to her was, quite honestly, the most terrifying day of my life.

_I _was the one responsible for bringing this human being in the world, _I _was responsible for this child growing inside me. It scared me. To hell and back.

Actually, come to think of it, I think it scared my husband just as much, although he didn't show it. He only showed it when I threatened to castrate him. Which, given the circumstances, I can understand why he'd fear for his life.

It hurt._ Like hell_.

And I don't just mean paper-cut hurt, I mean it felt like I was being ripped-in-two type of hurt.

See, my husband didn't believe me.

As was evident by his oh-so-wonderful, "It doesn't look that bad. Nine months couldn't possibly bring that much pain to a woman, could it?"

I could have killed him. Actually, I think I tried to.

But... it was all worth it.

Yes, all that pain, everything I went through for nine months, was worth it- when I heard her cry.

She was... absolutely beautiful.

The most beautiful baby I'd ever laid eyes on. Granted, I haven't seen many babies- one or two- and she was by far, the most beautiful. And she was mine.

My baby.

I was... speechless when Dr. Hanson laid her in my arms. She was so tiny. So... fragile. With, gorgeous pearl skin and my _thick, raven hair_. She wrapped her tiny hand around my finger, and looked into my eyes with her breathtaking moss green ones, and... for the second time in my life, I fell in love.

At first, I thought it was _impossible_ for me to fall in love again, but... but when I held her in my arms, and looked into her eyes, I did. I fell in love. I've fallen in love five times in my life. With my husband, and then, with each of my children. And... out of the four of them, that baby with the raven hair and moss eyes will always be my first.

I'm _her mother_.

I have a deeper connection with her than any other person in the world. Than anyone else in our family. Deeper than my other children, than Dee and Taye, even deeper than my husband's connection with her.

I've always cherished our relationship.

But now it's ruined because of something I don't even remember.

Something that doesn't exist. Something that-

I can't help but snap out of my reflection, to see something move out of the corner of my eye. Something that's coming closer, and it's carrying something.

"Here you go, dear, this will warm those shaking bones of yours."

I can't help but crack a frightened smile.

Funny.

Is it me, or... did that goat just talk?


End file.
